God bless lingerie, every man’s trump card when he wakes up, hungover from the office party, to confront the hideous realisation that he hasn’t yet bought his girlfriend a Christmas present.
Help! How could this have happened? And would a medicinal nip of whisky be out of the question at 8am? There was that ring she mentioned from that shop in Mayfair but he can’t remember whether she wanted it in silver or gold. And there were those shoes she wanted from Mulberry but were they called Kitty, Pretty or Titty? Nope: far easier to buy her a bra and pants.
Her bra size? Quite a handful. Probably an E cup. Best rifle through her lingerie drawer and check. 32D? Blimey, is she really that flat-chested Actually, dear boy, the 32 pertains to her back size: don’t make the common mistake of buying a 36, as it’s the letter that determines cup size, not the number. You’d be amazed how many fully sentient grown women don’t even know that fact, but it’s an essential one.
Some other tips: don’t make the mistake of rushing out and buying red. Too Mrs Claus, and too predictable. David Beckham might shop in Agent Provocateur but then his wife is the size of a toothpick, with a body deemed fit enough to be emblazoned across Armani billboards. Lovely store and all that but perhaps not for the shy and retiring girl.
Have you considered white? I know, I know: it’s not as racy, but lingerie can often be viewed by the recipient as a selfish present, particularly if it’s of the crotchless variety. Buy her something white and she’ll be convinced your intentions are honourable. “Heavens!” she’ll cry, her heart racing as she tears apart the pale pink tissue paper. “Underwear that doesn’t make me look like a page three girl! Underwear bought for me and not for you! You really are a metrosexual man!”
Strange as it may seem, you may be on to more of a promise with a white bra than you would be with a peekaboo one in black lace. Women are funny creatures, and never forget it.
For the same reasons, anything with floral sprigs, polka dots or stripes should also go down well, particularly in muted, tasteful colours such as pale pink, navy or grey. And if a bra and pants set feels too clichéd, remember: this is the season of the Body, so feel free to buy her a sexy all-in-one. Silk camisoles and camiknickers should also be a welcome gift, the former cleverly avoiding the vexatious question of her cup size. When in doubt, always buy smaller in the bra department and bigger in the pants department: underestimating her boob size is far less offensive than thinking they are bigger than they are.
The easiest of course, would be to head to http://www.bwitch.in and beat the crowd to take care of all your lingerie shopping needs.
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