Whenever Smriti Dalvi slips into a pair of jeans and tee towards the weekend for office, her husband invariably comments, “Aren’t you going to be meeting clients today?” And, each time, Smriti goes back and changes.
One may wonder why she doesn’t just tell him to mind his own business, but years of marriage have taught entrepreneur Dalvi, who runs floral design boutique Florista, the art of giving in.
Aditya Sharma, who prefers to go by a pseudonym, and runs his own software company, gave his wife grief over visiting a dentist without supposedly verifying his credentials. He adds, “She has no idea of what to buy either … I’m convinced that if she has to buy a TV, she will buy whatever the salesperson sells her, without finding out the facts.” Doesn’t he think it would be better to let her make her mistakes and learn from them? “No, not if it means wasting money,” he retorts.
The road from an over-protective and caring boyfriend to a dominating husband has been a short one. From being a girlfriend who told Aditya every little thing about her life, his researcher wife Himashri now plans to keep certain things from him, “My sister advises me not to tell him things that will provoke a reaction.” Himashri, who now toes the line to achieve marital peace, believes “one can’t keep arguing all the time.”
No wonder women like Dalvi say, “It’s always the woman who can make or break a relationship; one person has to have the lesser ego.”
And, she’s not the only one. Many women, despite successful careers, trade “ego for happiness.” Kalpana Swamy, senior administrator, Public Health Foundation of India, often allows her husband to have the last word. Swamy reveals, “I always strive for a shared decision making, though this process hasn’t been easy over the years. Adaptation is necessary for the general happiness of everyone involved – myself, my husband, children and other family members.”
Even in Bollywood, where we see many successful couples, such as Malaika Arora and Arbaaz Khan, Farah Khan and Sirish Kunder, Archana Puran Singh and Parmeet Sethi – is an equal music hard to achieve? Choreographer and filmmaker Farah Khan, who married in her 40s and to a younger man, surprises you with her confession that it’s her husband who calls the shots. She says, “I appear to be the one in charge, but Shirish is quite dominating.”
Actress Archana Puran Singh outlines the rules for a successful partnership, “All successful or surviving marriages believe in sharing and knowing when to let go. Sometimes, the scales tip in his favour, sometimes in yours. If a tree doesn’t bend during a storm, it’ll break.”
She adds, “Our marriage is like a well-run company and we have our own departments to head. Sometimes, all the departments – including the kids, when the decisions involve them – come together for a meeting. We may even seek help from each other.” And, they’re allowed occasional mistakes within their own department, “Parmeet may buy a car that’s useless within six months, but he’s allowed that.”
Advises marriage counsellor Rajan Bhonsle, “Both partners should pool their thoughts and arrive at a decision that is ‘ours’.”
Delhi designer Sheeba, who runs her label Sheeba-Prateek, along with her husband, agrees that modern marriages require a balancing act. “We take joint decisions. If a man tries to be arbitrary, reason it out with him.”
However, as Singh puts it, an intelligent woman knows how to convince her husband he’s in control. And, till the men learn to keep up, that could well be the mantra!
Whenever Smriti Dalvi slips into a pair of jeans and tee towards the weekend for office, her husband invariably comments, “Aren’t you going to be meeting clients today?” And, each time, Smriti goes back and changes.
One may wonder why she doesn’t just tell him to mind his own business, but years of marriage have taught entrepreneur Dalvi, who runs floral design boutique Florista, the art of giving in.
Aditya Sharma, who prefers to go by a pseudonym, and runs his own software company, gave his wife grief over visiting a dentist without supposedly verifying his credentials. He adds, “She has no idea of what to buy either … I’m convinced that if she has to buy a TV, she will buy whatever the salesperson sells her, without finding out the facts.” Doesn’t he think it would be better to let her make her mistakes and learn from them? “No, not if it means wasting money,” he retorts.
The road from an over-protective and caring boyfriend to a dominating husband has been a short one. From being a girlfriend who told Aditya every little thing about her life, his researcher wife Himashri now plans to keep certain things from him, “My sister advises me not to tell him things that will provoke a reaction.” Himashri, who now toes the line to achieve marital peace, believes “one can’t keep arguing all the time.”
No wonder women like Dalvi say, “It’s always the woman who can make or break a relationship; one person has to have the lesser ego.”
And, she’s not the only one. Many women, despite successful careers, trade “ego for happiness.” Kalpana Swamy, senior administrator, Public Health Foundation of India, often allows her husband to have the last word. Swamy reveals, “I always strive for a shared decision making, though this process hasn’t been easy over the years. Adaptation is necessary for the general happiness of everyone involved – myself, my husband, children and other family members.”
Even in Bollywood, where we see many successful couples, such as Malaika Arora and Arbaaz Khan, Farah Khan and Sirish Kunder, Archana Puran Singh and Parmeet Sethi – is an equal music hard to achieve? Choreographer and filmmaker Farah Khan, who married in her 40s and to a younger man, surprises you with her confession that it’s her husband who calls the shots. She says, “I appear to be the one in charge, but Shirish is quite dominating.”
Actress Archana Puran Singh outlines the rules for a successful partnership, “All successful or surviving marriages believe in sharing and knowing when to let go. Sometimes, the scales tip in his favour, sometimes in yours. If a tree doesn’t bend during a storm, it’ll break.”
She adds, “Our marriage is like a well-run company and we have our own departments to head. Sometimes, all the departments – including the kids, when the decisions involve them – come together for a meeting. We may even seek help from each other.” And, they’re allowed occasional mistakes within their own department, “Parmeet may buy a car that’s useless within six months, but he’s allowed that.”
Advises marriage counsellor Rajan Bhonsle, “Both partners should pool their thoughts and arrive at a decision that is ‘ours’.”
Delhi designer Sheeba, who runs her label Sheeba-Prateek, along with her husband, agrees that modern marriages require a balancing act. “We take joint decisions. If a man tries to be arbitrary, reason it out with him.”
However, as Singh puts it, an intelligent woman knows how to convince her husband he’s in control. And, till the men learn to keep up, that could well be the mantra!
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